Before the inheritance: The conversations that matter

When families think about estate planning, they often focus on what will be left behind. But the family experience may depend just as much on what is explained beforehand: the reasoning behind decisions, the values that shaped them, and the responsibilities that may accompany an inheritance.

The findings of the Wells Fargo Wealth & Investment Management 2026 Wealth Transfer Study highlight the risk of leaving those questions unanswered. Among adult children whose families had experienced inherited wealth, 61% reported a negative family experience, such as hurt feelings, disagreements about fairness, estrangement, or legal disputes. Nearly half believe inheritance discussions could trigger family conflict, compared with only 20% of parents. That disconnect underscores the importance of planning long before wealth changes hands.

Make a clear, intentional plan

The foundation can be a plan that plainly states what you want to happen.

“One of the greatest gifts you can leave your family is clarity,” says Sarah Munson, private wealth planning director, Wealth & Investment Management, Wells Fargo Clearing Services, LLC.

That means reviewing wills, trusts, beneficiary designations, and other documents for unanswered questions, and ensuring executors, trustees, or agents understand their roles.

Families should also consider fairness versus equality, Munson says. Equal inheritances may feel straightforward, but they may not fit every family. One child may have provided years of caregiving, received significant lifetime support, or worked in the family business while siblings pursued other careers. Working with advisors to run the numbers can reveal whether a plan that divides assets actually produces the intended result. In some circumstances, life insurance policies may help equalize an inheritance.

A trust may also help protect inherited assets and provide guardrails for beneficiaries, including protection from creditors, litigation, or divorce.

Introduce stewardship gradually

Preparing children for wealth does not require beginning with account balances. Lorilee Mills, senior family dynamics, education, and governance consultant, Wealth & Investment Management, Wells Fargo Clearing Services, LLC, suggests starting with values and structure: what the family believes, what the wealth is intended to accomplish, how a trust works, and what responsibilities family members may eventually assume.

That approach reflects an area of strong agreement in the research. Eighty-four percent of parents and 86% of adult children said values, rather than money, are the most important thing passed from one generation to the next.

Mills also recommends allowing children to experience some “grit” and financial firsts. That could include holding a first job, repaying a student loan, preparing a business plan before requesting a family loan, or contributing toward a down payment. Those experiences can help build financial judgment before an inheritance arrives. As the next generation becomes prepared, more detailed conversations about assets can begin.

“It’s often helpful to raise the blinds slowly versus throwing back the curtains,” Mills says.

Communicate the plan

Popular culture has turned the reading of a will into a dramatic moment filled with surprises and revelations. But surprises are what families should strive to avoid, Mills believes, and even a well-designed plan can create confusion if family members do not understand it.

Only 21% of parents surveyed had held detailed conversations with their children about their estate plans, although three in four said they would feel comfortable doing so. Meanwhile, 61% of adult children worried that initiating the conversation could make them appear interested only in their parents’ money.

Munson and Mills recommend explaining “the why behind the what,” particularly when heirs will receive different assets, amounts, or responsibilities. The objective is not to persuade everyone that each decision is perfect. It is to make the reasoning clear while parents are available to answer questions.

A professionally led family meeting can help families begin. Seventy-six percent of adult children surveyed believed a professionally facilitated meeting about their parents’ estate plan would be beneficial. A financial advisor, estate-planning attorney, tax professional, or family facilitator can explain technical details, organize the discussion, and offer an objective perspective.

Begin before a crisis

Communication cannot guarantee family harmony, but it can provide greater clarity before grief and administrative pressures enter the picture.

“Don’t be afraid to have the conversation,” Munson says. “Start small, if needed. Taking this step while you still have the ability can go a long way in preserving your family’s relationships.”